Needing a little R-N-R

Why must my body remind me that I am over tired and in need of sleep constantly?  Recently my weekdays and weekends have been filled with things to do.  Since the beginning of the year it has been constant "things to do" and "places to go" and "chores to complete".  Where does this leave me?....tired.  I am tired when I go to bed (well, duh...of course) and tired when I wake up and tired all day long.  It makes my focus feel like it needs more focus.  I think what I really need is time off just to have fun....to sleep late for more than 2 days......stay up late watching movies a few nights....and have time to spend on maybe a creative dinner with maybe a glass of wine while cooking instead of the "whine" I have now while cooking.  LOL.  To maybe be able to read a bit and just be a bit lazy.  April 1st the campground opens and I am certainly looking forward to it.....I hope I can rejuvenate this tired old body and renew my spirit in the calm of the Jersey shore.

Healing...

I am working on healing...I truly am.  I still think about Mom every day.  I did really good today.  Was proud of myself...went into work was happy and had a good attitude all day.  Oh...don't get me wrong...I still have that empty-punched-in-the-gut sort of feeling but I was working past it.  Was really proud of myself.  Then........

The Doctor called me to tell me how sorry he was for the loss of my Mom.  I could not hold it together...then I cried...and even made the girl sitting next to me cry.  :-(  Couldn't help it he told me a lot of nice things about my Mom for which I felt very proud.  I feel good about the person my Mom was and I told him she was happy and joking all the way to the end....and he said he believed it based on how she was always happy when she came to see him.

This healing process is going to be long and hard......probably the hardest one I have ever experienced in my life.  But, like my Mom, I too am strong and I know I can do this.

<3 Forever my Mother <3

For my Mom....

The lady had a heart of gold,

Even as she grew old,

She lived her life with dignity and grace,

Always with a smile on her face,

Her life with Dad made her proud,

When she was at a party...she drew a crowd,

Her laughter filled a room like none other,

She had extreme pride about her life as a Mother,

She spoke of all six children with a heart filled with love,

And her role as a Grandmother fit her like a glove,

Always telling a good story about her experiences in life,

Whether it was her role as a NJ Bell worker, a Mother or Wife,

Her motto was to laugh every day,

She lived her life to the end just that way,

Smiling, laughing and sharing her smarts,

You may be gone from our lives but not from our hearts.

Others should learn from her.....

My Mom has recently been hospitalized and at the age of 88 (soon to be 89) as she is battling with congestive heart problems.  The outlook the Doctor has given us is bleak which makes us all very sad.  The mere thought losing such a wonderful woman who can lighten up a party just by entering the room is heart breaking to all of us.  As my Mom lays in her hospital bed and is sleepy most of the time and not feeling well...I watch as they wake her to take vitals....she smiles and says hello and always talks sweetly to everyone.  Always, always pleasant.  I think to myself.....she is pretty much confined to her bed.....sleepy all the time.....doesn't eat that much.....but always has a smile for everyone.  That just amazes me.  My Mother has always had a great sense of humor and for almost every visit she always manages to say something to us to make us laugh.  I see now just how my Mom touches all the lives of those she comes in contact with and has done this for her entire life.  People who are bitter, disgruntled, angry all the time and just plain mean should learn from her....she is the shining example of how you need to live life and make the best of even the worst situations.  She amazes me. <3

How rude!

Anyone who has ever watched the show Full House remembers when one of the little girls used to say "how rude"!  Well....I wanted to say that today.  We were out shopping for groceries at BJ's and when we were done we got in line....the line next to us opened up and we hopped in it.  We saw this couple who just had a few items and we told them to go in front of us.  So they went in front of us but never...never...never even said thanks...or gave us a head nod....nothing.  Why...why are people so rude that they cannot even acknowledge with a common courtesy.  I would not be so upset if I did not believe that this is becoming the norm and not the exception.  I seem to see this more and more and it bothers me!  We need to get back to the days of Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening, Hello..how are you, Please, Thank You, Nice day today, ....etc., you get the picture.  Don't you agree?

Snow business....

****We have had a lot of snow lately and they are calling for yet another big storm coming up on Ground Hog's Day.  It is getting very tiring and exhausting.  All this snow got me thinking.............Snow when your 10 is very exciting.  As you watch the flakes falling you think about the potential snow ball fights, building snowmen, and most importantly a snow day from school.  At age 20 the excitement is still there because you see potential to go out with friends and do some skiing, snow boarding or snow mobileing....hanging and having fun with your friends.  At age 30 a big realization comes and you realize you are now solely responsible to remove this snow yourself...zap...the fun is gone.  At age 40 you decide that digging out time and time again is for the birds and now is the time for you to own a snow blower.  At age 50 you look outside and see kids walking down the street with shovels in hands knocking on doors.....and you finally say YES you can shovel me out! *****

Remotes

We have too many remotes.  To turn the TV and cable box on you need Remote #1 (from the cable company), we have the one that came with the TV Remote #2,  we have one that controls our DVD player which is Remote #3 and then we have one that controls sound system which is Remote #4.

In order to watch a DVD first you need to use Remote #1 then you have to change channel with Remote #2 and operate said DVD with Remote #3 and adjust volume with #4......is it me or does anyone else find this totally crazy!  I did not even include Remote #5 & Remote #6.....#5 goes to the Wii player and #6 goes to the old/outdated VCR!

Misplace 1 remote and the whole system crumbles.  I am not a TV addict but I do like to watch the news in the morning, hear traffic updates and then do the same thing when I get home.  Seriously I say to myself ...how the hell do the elderly keep this remote thing straight!  My in-laws are in their 80's and my Mom is almost 89.......I suppose just the fact that they can get the TV to turn on is a pure miracle!!

Vacation, New Year and Setting a Bird Free.....

Last week I was on vacation....my plan was to spend the week enjoying time with my family where the 4 of us would go to NYC and do some sightseeing...spend some days shopping together....and eat out a few meals.  What really happened?  Monday the snow was up to our arse, Tuesday I was sick as a dog, Wednesday I was even sicker, Thursday not much improvement and by Friday I had a slight improvement.  Basically my week consisted of laying in bed or on the couch and just vegging and watching TV.  What a major disappointment.  We usually have a family party every year for NY Eve and everyone comes over and we really enjoy it.  This year....for the first time....I had to cancel.  I was too sick to pull it all together and I was worried about making everyone else sick too!  So now my vacation and my New Year were a real mess.

I really wanted some meaningful time with the 4 of us and it did not pan out that way....needless to say it made me feel heartbroken.  My oldest son leaves for Paris on Thursday and I was counting on these days for some good ol' family time.  I ended up being just a sick lump on the couch.  I was doing good about him leaving to go too.  Until today I have not cried too much.  Then my hubby mentioned today that he could not believe he was leaving.  This opened up my floodgates and allowed the water to flow now.  Now it thinks it can keep flowing freely and I am trying hard to keep it in control.  I have been trying to convince myself to think of this in segments of time.......before you know it ...it will be February...then March...then I will be heading down the shore in April and then before you know it he will be home in June.  This allows me time to get a grip when I think of it this way.  This experience will be probably the best experience of his life and I am so happy and so proud of him.  He will be at a very well respected and hard-to-get-into school.  For this I feel like a peacock flocking my feathers and saying "that's my boy"!

But when my range of emotions come over me and I think of how much I will miss seeing him I then just become a mother chick....wanting to continue caring for her little chickie.  I ask myself how do all the Moms before me handle the child growing up.   I know eventually I will be OK but there will be a time period for me that will be rough.....but I know letting the bird fly is being the best Mom I can be to my son.....allowing him have this experience will be probably one of the best experiences of his life and for this alone....it makes me feel good.  I am happy for him but I will cry at his departure.  :-(

Holiday IMperfection

Everyone spends the holiday season frantic worrying about baking, decorating, shopping and sending cards. I try to and have for the last couple of years tried to enjoy the season a bit more.  I look at it this way....the things will get done....eventually.  I enjoy the shopping but don't want to be stressed when I do it so if I find a gift I would like....I think you'll like it too.  As far as gift wrap is concerned.....God Bless those gift bags.  This makes the perfect gift.  My decorating will be done before the big day arrives....and yes, it may be as late as the 20, 21, 22, 23 or even the 24th....but either way I will enjoy my decorations.  As far as baking is concerned.....I just don't do it.  Now Martha Stewart don't you shutter....a holiday as big as this can occur and someone can NOT bake.  Actually, I am not telling the truth....do the cookies that you buy and can break off and bake count...cause if so, I found some pretty damn good ginger ones the other day....and guess what?....we ate them all already!  It's not that I am NOT capable ....it's that I choose not to stress myself out during this time of  the year.  What would I rather be doing instead.....enjoying National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Christmas Story or Funny Farm.....just to name a few of the good Christmas movies; relaxing while out on that shopping trip and looking at things I like as well, or spending time out to dinner with friends and family.

For those of you who must stress yourself out this time of year.....stop.  The holiday is really much more enjoyable when you just take it all in stride.  I am happy for those who put their decorations up early outside cause as I ride by....I thoroughly enjoy them and I wonder if the person inside is opening the oven to a fresh baked cookie and they are harried and stressed...while trying to wrap gifts and write cards all at the same time.  I just refuse to do this to myself and it will all get done in MY GOOD TIME.  Anyway...like they say....you need to take time to smell the roses....or in this case the Christmas tree....sit back and enjoy it cause it really can be fun and enjoyable when you allow it to be.  I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas.

Parenting Teens...

My kids are both teens (19 and 16) and I often wonder.....are we really good parents?  Do we do the right things?  Do we say the right things?  Should we have done this different?

As a parent it is difficult to know whether what you are doing/or have done is "right" or not.  We hope we did yet we often look back and question ourselves as to whether we are good parents or not.  I think we are.  We have a good base....2 boys who have both maintained good grades....the boys basically get along and now that they are in their teens they tend to rely on each other.....even if it is just to say "hey, can you believe what Mom and Dad are telling me"....LOL.  I have witnessed for myself that they both have shown compassion towards aging family members by lending a hand and also to an ill family pet,  they basically will do things for me when I really need their help, yet they have & continue to do things that all typical teens do...but who's kid hasn't?  As parents we tend to all butt heads with our teens now and again but I am looking at this as normal.  Who's kid has not argued the reason for the curfew, why I can't go here or there, why don't you agree with my point of view, religion, politics and life in general.........and so on, and so on?

I have questioned myself like this many times but honestly I think (I hope) we have done the absolute best we could and gave our kids way more than we ever had and better opportunities than either of us have ever experienced.  This alone is something that I hope they truly appreciate.  I think all teens tend to make their parents question themselves at one time or another.  I would like to believe I am not alone.  Am I?