Last week I was on vacation....my plan was to spend the week enjoying time with my family where the 4 of us would go to NYC and do some sightseeing...spend some days shopping together....and eat out a few meals. What really happened? Monday the snow was up to our arse, Tuesday I was sick as a dog, Wednesday I was even sicker, Thursday not much improvement and by Friday I had a slight improvement. Basically my week consisted of laying in bed or on the couch and just vegging and watching TV. What a major disappointment. We usually have a family party every year for NY Eve and everyone comes over and we really enjoy it. This year....for the first time....I had to cancel. I was too sick to pull it all together and I was worried about making everyone else sick too! So now my vacation and my New Year were a real mess.
I really wanted some meaningful time with the 4 of us and it did not pan out that way....needless to say it made me feel heartbroken. My oldest son leaves for Paris on Thursday and I was counting on these days for some good ol' family time. I ended up being just a sick lump on the couch. I was doing good about him leaving to go too. Until today I have not cried too much. Then my hubby mentioned today that he could not believe he was leaving. This opened up my floodgates and allowed the water to flow now. Now it thinks it can keep flowing freely and I am trying hard to keep it in control. I have been trying to convince myself to think of this in segments of time.......before you know it ...it will be February...then March...then I will be heading down the shore in April and then before you know it he will be home in June. This allows me time to get a grip when I think of it this way. This experience will be probably the best experience of his life and I am so happy and so proud of him. He will be at a very well respected and hard-to-get-into school. For this I feel like a peacock flocking my feathers and saying "that's my boy"!
But when my range of emotions come over me and I think of how much I will miss seeing him I then just become a mother chick....wanting to continue caring for her little chickie. I ask myself how do all the Moms before me handle the child growing up. I know eventually I will be OK but there will be a time period for me that will be rough.....but I know letting the bird fly is being the best Mom I can be to my son.....allowing him have this experience will be probably one of the best experiences of his life and for this alone....it makes me feel good. I am happy for him but I will cry at his departure. :-(