Vaca-bike-fall

I was on vacation on my bike,
Doing all the things I really like,
While on the bike I hit the sand and fell,
Twisted my ankle and leg and then watched it swell,
Please do not let this be broke,
The x-ray told me it was no joke,
Surgery is needed to repair this old girl,
Hearing those words made me want to hurl,
So now I sit with my leg up high,
Recovering......waiting and left wondering why,
I have a long road ahead they tell me for sure,
I look forward to the day when I can get up and walk even more!

Peg Leg 2---healing process....

Well I cannot believe it has been 2 weeks since I fell and already over a week since I have been operated on.  In this time I have managed to get better control over the pain and use less.  I have also learned some tricks to gain some independence.  I had my husband put a bunch of clothes in a bag and leave it on the bottom of my bed....this way in the morning I can pick out my own clothes and dress myself.  I have also mastered the task of wearing a pouch around me and should I need something....I can get it and throw in the pouch.  Only small items and I can only do this really when desperate as my doctor wants me off my feet and foot raised for 23 hours a day!!! But...it's the small things that at this point that are helping to keep my sanity.  I can now shampoo my own hair (woooo hoooo)....I can't stand to have dirty hair no matter how bad I feel!! I told my hubby that always makes me feel better!!

As we all walk out the door to work each day and do nothing but errands on the weekends..I know at one time everyone has looked at the couch and said..."man, what I wouldn't give to just be able to sit or lay there all day and do nothing".....it's not all it's cracked up to be.  I'm trying to make the best of it:  web surfing, renting movies, finding the most hilarious or ridiculous show to give me a chuckle, reading, writing, anything...anything at all to occupy myself.  One big thing that is helping to keep my sanity is that during the week I have my niece come over from 11 to 4.  It's great. When she comes I pounce all over her.....hey, I need this....hey, I need that, can you do this for me..can you do that for me.  Plus, it gives both my husband and I comfort that someone is here with me in case I were to fall and this way I won't attempt to do anything too crazy on crutches!!!!

My healing process is going to be a long one....and keeping my sanity is going to be tough....but I'm a tough cookie and I will get through this....one day at a time.

Peg Leg

My time right now is to be spent off the crutches...off my feet...only up to use bathroom.  My life is so dependent on others.  In the morning I get up and have to wait for my husband to prepare my spot on the couch...propped with pillows for my back and pillows for my foot.  After he does that then he gets me something to eat.  Today he packed a little cooler for me to hold me over until "help" arrives at 11 am.  I need someone to get me drinks, lunch, dinner, etc.  To "bathe" I am only allowed to sponge bathe and have to do it while laying down.  I need his help to get me everything I need to accomplish that task.  Sometimes I even need help dressing.  At bed time I need to wait for him to help me into bed and tuck me in.  It's not easy when your normally so independent.  And...as far as house chores are concerned....he has it all!!!! I feel so bad for him!!!

Vacation gone wrong....

After a very grueling summer my husband and I were taking 2 1/2 weeks off.  During that time we were going to wind down..enjoy what remained of the summer and just chill.  We started out spending time on our boat and time down the shore, then we spent a few days getting 2 kids ready for college, 2 different colleges, 2 different locations....needless to say...a lot of work.  Now it was time for us.  Biking, boating, beaching, maybe some kayaking...we were looking forward to it all.  We did get some boating and beaching in...then we got some biking in.  It was a beautiful day...we biked to our favorite breakfast spot...had a nice breakfast overlooking the water, then we headed back to the campground.  As we entered the campground we decided to ride our road bikes back to the trailer.....we were almost there.....then I hit a patch of sand and fell....but when I fell my foot stayed clipped into my pedal and I twisted my leg.  Crack! I heard it.  I knew it was not good.  My husband asked if I was OK...I said NO, I cannot get up.  Other people came around and tried to help me....got me ice, a place to sit..I Thank God for them.  Then my hubby went and got the car and said...where do you want to go?  I said to the ER.  At the ER we discovered I had a fracture...they wrapped it told me to see ortho dr to get casted.  I went to ortho dr next day and they told me I had 3 fractures in 2 bones and surgery was needed.  Before surgery I had to stay completely off it and keep it propped up above my heart to keep swelling down.  I did.  Surgery was yesterday.  Now I have yet another long journey...possibly 3-4 months ahead of me...healing and patience....I will need lots of patience. This vacation has gone bad.  I was supposed to return to work on Monday....all happy & relaxed and gloating about my time off.  That will NOT be happening.  

Empty Nest

Over the past 21 years I always thought about the day we would become empty-nesters.  Well, the day is here and now.  My husband and I found ourselves in the last few years doing quite a bit on our own so we had time to "prepare".   Now, we can run around the house naked...will we?...probably not....there are neighbors.  lol.  We can skip town at a moments notice....will we, probably not...we have jobs!   What probably will happen is this:  I clean a sink full of dishes and straighten the house before work and when I return...the house is still straightened.  :-)  I will now do laundry for 2 instead of 4 and probably can get it done in about 3 loads instead of 10!  :-)   When we buy stuff at the grocery store...we will actually have the opportunity to eat it.  :-)

Everyone says...don't get too used to it...they come back.  LOL.  I am sure they will.   But for now....at least a few days anyway...I will feel a bit sad that my kids have grown so fast and at the same time very proud that I have two boys attending 4 year schools.  My heart is full of pride and joy.  

Fair or not fair?

This summer has been a rough one.  With my hubby undergoing radiation treatments and not feeling good mostly all summer...we had not taken any vacation as of yet.  I did not want to go when he was not feeling well.  So now I am officially on vacation and he is feeling pretty well.  As I was departing for my 2 1/2 weeks off....My boss told me that taking off this long is quite a disruption.  A disruption?  I just went through hell with my husband this past summer....I've worked there for over 20 years and I work for one of the most difficult people in the whole place that no one else wants to work for and it's a disruption?  I have never taken off this long in a row in my whole time working there.  My thoughts are this is a special circumstance and concessions need to be made.  Am I being fair?

Neighborly...

I've lived in my community for my whole life and I have lived in my neighborhood for 22 years.  My neighbor has decided to rent out the house next door.  Up until now it's been OK...all the people have been nice to as...and we have to them.  That's how we operate.  In the dead of winter when that huge snow comes...and my hubby gets the snow blower out...he helps everyone on the street.  When my next door neighbor was away from home for 2 summers because his mother was ill and had passed away....I mowed his law all summer long.  When the neighbor on the corner needed help carrying something...my husband was there.  This how we are...this is how we were brought up...be kind, be caring and most of all think of others before yourself.

So a new rental neighbor moves in.  We say hello welcome to the neighborhood.  My adult children are home one weekend and had music playing loud...instead of walking over and asking if they could turn it down.....which they would have....they call the police.  When the police arrive there is no loud music present at the time but they still come to the house and tell my boys that the neighbors complained.  My kids are not the kind that would talk nasty to a neighbor or anyone else asking them to do this.  They don't talk to older adults that way. That's how we brought them up.

The other night about 1am my older aging dog woke me and needed go out.  My son was still up so I asked him to please let the dog out.  He lets the dog out for about 15 minutes.  The dog barked to come back in a few times.  He lets the dog in.  Sits down and looks up and there are the police at my door.  The neighbors complained about the dog barking.  My son told the police officer he is an aging dog that needs to go out frequently during the night.

Argh.  Really.  You know I am a very tolerant person but these people are pushing me over the edge. When you already have so many other things going on in your life...namely my husband's health is a constant worry...then having neighbors like this just makes you want to move.  BUT wait...I have lived here for 22 years and have always been a good neighbor.  I do the right thing...I am considerate...and now this person wants to rock my world at a time that is already very stressful.

We called and talked to the police and especially given the fact that when they arrived both times...there was no noise and there was no barking going on, they seem to agree that this is harassment.  One more call and we will file charges against them for harassment.  I don't need people like this in my life at a time like this.  We are good people and will help anyone when needed.  Why do people have to come and do things like this?  Why, why, why!!???

Faith

Sometimes you start to lose faith...faith in what you've believed in your whole life.   I guess that happens after having been dealt a few raw deals and then you ask yourself...how could this be when I have been nothing but a decent person my whole life.  I am not mean to people.  I wasn't losing faith in God but I was questioning what I always knew in my heart was true and that was ....spirits do exist.  A few words from naysayers and a few bad things happen in your life...and you wonder, you question..you doubt.  But then...a friend of mine told me about something that happened to her...and it restored that faith that I always felt so close and so grounded to.  Her father passed away this year...suddenly in her home.  The other day she came home and her Dad's towel and comb were sitting on her table.  It's only her and husband in her house now and neither one of them put it there.  Her kids, who are older, said it wasn't them either.  Wha...lah...faith restored...spirits exist and now and again proof that they are here with us comes to light.  I feel better now.

Life changing...

This week will mark 2 months since we (my hubby) heard those ugly words from the Doctor.  I say "we" because when you are told you have cancer...it does not just affect that person but if affects you as a family.  Everything changes.  Your whole life changes.  How you do things, how you look at things and how you even approach the days ahead.  We are told that the prognosis is good and it is very treatable.  We understand how lucky that is but nonetheless, it still takes its toll.  This is not my first "family" experience with this...as my father had brain and lung cancer and my brother had brain cancer.  Their prognosis was not nearly as good as my hubby's is today and for that we feel blessed and we both know and understand how lucky we are.  Through this event...there has been a big ball of stress hanging in our family unit.....a strain so to speak.  I had a mini-meltdown last week returning home from work to discover some things were not done by my kids.  I broke down....I cried (which I have not done in front of my husband)....my kids had a talk with me...and told me that it is also affecting them as well and that if we need help all we need to do is ask.  My son said "you always taught us if you want something all you really need to do is ask"...."will you please just ask us or tell us what you need us to do to help and we will do it".  Sigh.  A big chunk of stress was just taken from me.  And this past week everyday when I left I left a note asking them to do things to "help" out.  It worked. They stepped up to the plate and did what was needed.  The funny part through this is I learned a lesson that I obviously taught them and that is ....if you need help, just ask.   

Precious moments...precious times..

Last weekend I celebrated 28 years of marriage.  A gift.  A true and honest devotion to each other.  I have never felt so lucky in my life.  I look around me and realize that we are a rare breed.  In my moments of happiness....I was so happy to be spending the weekend with my hubby celebrating that I forgot to buy a card...so I had to create my own...and say to hell with Hallmark...here is what I came up with:

Since that day in 1984,

I have never wanted to walk out that door,

Through good times and bad,

Through happy times and sad,

You are my life,

All my best days have been as your wife,

Kids, pets, aging parents, and stress,

Convertibles, boating days, camping ways, and good drinks none-the-less,

We've made this life together which is as thick as glue

If I had the opportunity to change it...it's something I would never do,

Your always on my mind, your always in my heart,

And it has always been that way from the very start,

Happy Anniversary to my honey, my sweetheart, my dear,

I Love You Always and Forever and without any fear.

Mother's Day 2012

To the woman who gave me life,

you were more to us than a mother and wife,

you gave us good values which are used today,

be kind, caring and nice in every way,

Thinking of you often and thinking of you now,

What would she tell me to do..would she tell me how,

Trying to apply the knowledge you left us with here,

How you always said it will get better next year,

To walk in your shoes is no easy step to fill,

You were stronger than anything you can find in a pill,

We're trying and hoping that we can be half as good as you,

For we often ask we do not know how she did what she could do,

Up in the heaven's above we are sure you will have a cocktail or beer,

We have nothing but good memories we hold so dear,

We're celebrating with our families and being a Mom ourselves today,

But close in our thoughts is you in each and every way.

My first cuppa

The solitude I seek is there on the first light of day,

The warmth that embraces me allows me to slip away,

Your brown enrichment draws me in,

I soon begin to fear that the day must begin,

I wish the end of the cup would not be,

You are my motivation, my key, my favorite cup of tea.

Helping teens problem solve...

As I write this post..I spent most of last night awake.  Awake thinking about some things that my teenage son is going through with his friends.  We've been trying to help and guide him as best we can and we hope that we give good advice.  But....I've been where he is right now...and it does not feel good.  One should not spend the last two months of school just wanting to get the hell out to get away from mean teens.  Although his situation is much different than mine was...it brought all those memories flooding back....let me share my experience:

When I was a Junior in HS I met my hubby in English class.  It was great...we hit it off right away and I felt like there was no one else for me.  I asked him to a dance.  It was the thrill of my life.  My best friend was very happy for me that he said yes.  We went to the dance and it was a blast.  A few short months after that we started dating regularly.  My best friend was dating someone regularly too.  So, you say, you must of gone on double dates...right?  Yeah..we tried that.  The problem was my best friend was dating a Loser....someone who was more interested in drugs and getting high than he really was interested in anything else.  I saw this.  But...how do you tell your best friend that?  I couldn't.  I could not bear to hurt her feelings and break her heart.  So instead I did the backstroke.  We were with them less and less and I saw her less and less too.  It put a rift in our relationship. We separated after high school and each went our own way.  I married my high school sweetheart and she married this guy.  This guy ended up stealing from her to get drugs...continuously...to a point where he was leaving her poor.  She finally saw the light and left him.  She since has been married 2 more times.

I often question my choice not tell her that he was a loser.  Although I think if I did it would not have gone well.  This makes me hope that I am giving good advice to my son to get him through a very difficult teenage time.  We all learn from our mistakes but to this day....I still miss my best friend and wish that had all gone differently.  Yes I have formed good girl relationships since and have some pretty good friends but holding onto that childhood friend well into adulthood would have been nice. 

Been on hiatus...

I've been on a bit of a hiatus with the blog.  Needed some inspiration...some time to regroup, refresh and I needed some time to mourn.  Losing your Mom and your brother in one year's time turns out to be more difficult than I ever imagined.

So you say...what has motivated me to come back?  What has made me feel like it is now OK?  When I do tell you...some may have doubts....others may believe.....but what matters most to me is what I feel and know in my heart.

On March 29 me and my sister (and 2 others) had an appointment with a Medium.  A very highly sought after Medium who blew my mind away.  She knew things that no other person could know.  Let me share some of those things with you.  Here are my notes:

Felt Mom energy right away and she has her Mom with her.

Asked if I had 2 kids...boys..if so, they are very different. (yes)

Dad died long ago but he is without illness now. He had something with his lungs, his chest, he was a smoker. (yes, he died of lung cancer)

Virginia or Victor keeps coming from Mom's side.

(I don't know who this is.)

Mom's Mom?....was she 1 of 8?

( I am not sure what size family Grandmom was from.)

Dad died long ago and he was in the military or my brother was. (yes they both were) My older brother was the first boy but not the first born. (yes)

Dad passed at home. (yes)  On his side the name Charles or Catherine keeps coming up. I say is it Campbell..she said possibly and this person is with Dad.

(Not sure who the Charles or Catherine is?)

Your brother (Ray) just came through with your Mom.

So did someone who had an accident...fell off of ladder or hit their head on Mom's side? In their 30's who died?

(I need to investigate this further.)

Someone on Mom's side died tragically with head trauma and very quickly. Mom took it very hard and this spirit is with her again. Who took gun to their head?...suicide? They are at peace now.

(Aunt Stella)

I am getting connection to Flo...Florence?

(The town where we have lived most of our life.)

Mom is saying thank you. I could not have gone through this without you. When she had lower body problem that made her know it was getting to the end. Kidney function? That's when she threw in the towel. (yes)

Is there an April connection birthday coming up? In the latter half of the month?

(Yes,  my sister)

And a June connection?

(June connection could be: Dad's & Maddy's birthday or Aunt Stella died in June.)

Mom is with her Mom.

You were not there when your brother passed but you had close connection. (yes) 

If I have a metal of his or a cross he said put it on a chain.

(I do not have this -- one of his kids does.)

Frank is your Dad. (yes) And there is another Frank or Frances who is alive. (yes my sister)

Ray is with Dad but wants to acknowledge Frances here.

Are you the baby? (yes)

Ray feels like we all need to hear and please tell everyone that there was nothing we could have done to have saved him. He feels it is important that we all know that. (he had brain cancer)

Do you have an Uncle who lost his leg? Possibly had diabetes. A lot older. Paul, Peter. A baby? This guys is connected to that side. He lost his toe or foot from knee down. (This may be my cousin.)

Mom wants to acknowledge that she got the flowers.

(on the grave)

Theres a father figure on your husbands side, not your Dad. It's his Grandpop. Cute short guy. About 5'6” 5'7” and elderly. He came through praising your husband.

(This is my husband's Poppy)

Who is in medical field or school or medical assistant? They are revving them on with a big congratulations. Is this your sister?

(This is my niece)

Did you write something in honor or in memory of your Mom? A eulogy? That was very important to her...she wants you to frame it or laminate it.

(Yes the poem that was read at the viewing.)

Do you wear anything of hers? That makes her very happy.

(Yes, her ring, everyday.)

The sister she is with...they are very close and want you to know that they are having fun together.

Possibly a second born sister-in-law? (yes) They are having fun and full of excitement. The sister-in-law has a December connection.

(Aunt Stella)

An anniversary just passed. She is telling me to bring up the date. Somebody's birthday – I cannot leave the room without acknowledging it.

(1 year since she died on 2/23 and the day of this reading was on my Mom's birthday.)

What is the D connection, David, Denny, Denise,...Danielle? Danielle? She keeps bringing it up.

(Danielle was the name I had chosen for my son if he was a girl. Mom teased me and my husband about this all the time.)

There are signs she is showing of dimes and pennies. Is this 2 year anniversary of her passing? (2nd birthday without her but 1 year since she died.) She loves the pictures we have. She knows you are keeping busy and trying.

You were a shock or a surprise. They did not see that coming. (My mother said this all the time...she was 42 when she had me.) She could not have gone on without your help. She had a good life. Favorite drinks, favorite foods. I could not have done this without you.

Glasses? They are out sitting there?

(She is referring to drinking glasses that I am currently using of hers and yes they were sitting out at the time of this Medium visit.)

You helped her but she just wanted to get out of her body. She was relieved she could stay awhile.

A dog just came through with Mom. The dog died he is golden or light brown female dog.

It's very important that you know Delores.

(Delores is the name of the woman who bought my Mom's condo after she died.)

She is having a ball with the Aunt.

Is anybody German? Grandmother German? (yes on both Mom & Dad's side)

Mom met up with Dad's family from Germany.

It does not matter about her clothes. The sweater or light jacket – put it on and wear it.

Clip on earrings? Or the box? And....her watch?

(My sister just wore her clip on earrings to a wedding and she just took her watch to get a new battery and they just told her it still will not work.)

Was she in a facility when she passed? Not a hospital? She said it doesn't matter where I died as long as I got the care I needed. (She was in a hospice connected to the hospital.)

She's having a good time. She can have what she wants to eat now.

She is showing me a backyard with a cement in-ground pool and a fenced in backyard and there is a buffet. That is where she is now.

(That is my sister's yard.)

She is mentioning a red stone? Birthstone? Purple or red or burgundy....maybe amethyst?

Does August mean anything....that is who she is with?

(Her Mom was born in August and Dad died in August – could be either one.)

Bring up the day.

(Today is Mom's birthday.)

Does October mean anything?

(My birthday month)

Your brother really needs to let you know he is OK. Were you not there? (no, I was not...he lives in Ohio)  She heard a phone ring. (yes, we received a call letting us know he passed.)

Did he have aids or blood cancer? She keeps getting aids sign from someone who has already passed. They are with your brother.

(His daughter's fatherinlaw died of blood cancer 2 weeks before him.)

Your Mom was a lot of this reading but your Dad knows that your Mom needed to connect with you. Dad came to both of you a lot after he passed. She said it was kind of spooky how much.

Ray came in and said I love your children and I'm with Mom and Dad.

The end of the session.

Now, some may say....yeah, she says that to everyone.  I have to tell you.....she does not.  There were 4 of us who had readings that night...she did not have our names and had never seen us before and I have recordings of all 4 readings and I listened to them all.  Each reading is very very different including my own sister's reading.  The other two readings were my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law....she told us things that there could be no way of knowing.  She is so highly sought after that she is booked until 2015 , she does it for free for those who have lost small children and the police use her as well.  

Hearing this.....gives one hope.  What she has as far as I am concerned is a gift.  I have no doubt...she's the real deal.  God bless her.