I'm 26 on the 47th day of October

When ever it was my Mom's birthday she would always say "I'm 29 on the 86th day of March".  We all used to laugh and she would say.....that month keeps getting longer and longer.   Now I would like to adapt her way by saying I'm 26 (forever) on the 47th day of October!  I like it.  Forever 26!! I could live with that!  

Indian Summer

Hitting 80 degrees yesterday was such a treat.  We put the top down on the Porsche and rode down the shore ....wind in the hair...sun on the face....we hopped on the boat and went for an end of the Summer fall ride....had lunch out on the water and then headed to our trailer....cleaned up some leaves and chatted with our neighbors.....rode top down home.  It was all so bittersweet.  Nice day....great weather....knowing it is all coming to a crashing end is what makes it so bitter.  I love Indian Summer days ....love pumpkin everything....but what I hate is cold weather, wearing a coat and general drab weather that comes with it.  I'm just not designed for it.  I really should be living someplace where it is warm year round and where you can do summer activities all year long.  Goodbye summer days, goodbye boat, goodbye trailer, goodbye convertible.....I'm hoping for an extended Indian Summer one that lasts well into December.  Past history has taught me that it won't happen that way.  But a girl can dream...can't she?

Scat you cat!!

If you let your cat roam the neighborhood and go to the bathroom in my yard then why can't I let my dog go do his business in your yard?

I really don't understand letting cats roam and doing their business where ever they want.  If I let my dog do that everyone would have a fit...wouldn't they?  And...I must say cat poo and pee stink pretty badly when they use your yard like a litter box!!!

Someone explain this to me...cause I just don't get it!

Goodbye to our "Ray" of light....

To my brother dear, 

Although you may not have lived very near....

You were always close at heart, 

Your quick wit and charm always played a part, 

You came from Jersey and headed to Ohio to start this life, 

You could not have asked for a better wife, 

Your children carry on your legacy and traits a bit, 

We see it in their smiles, their charm and their wit, 

Now you have left us leaving us all feeling sad, 

The only comfort we take is that you are now with Mom and Dad, 

May you rest in peace and feel no more pain, 

And then someday we will all be together again.      

Now I've been kicked in the gut....

As if it weren't bad enough that I lost my Mom this year...now it is looking as though I may lose my brother too.  :-(  I just got notified today that he has now moved to a hospice situation.  It's so heart breaking and he is 8 hours away.  :-(  I am trying to draw so much on the strength that my own Mom had during difficult situations but it is not easy.  We have (all 5 sisters) inquired and let them know if we are wanted we will be there but it must not be the situation.  I know when my own Dad was sick he did not want anyone seeing him that way and I totally get and respect that.

Finding strength during difficult times is not easy.  I pray....I pray...and I pray.  I don't know what else to do.  My Dad used to say "if you can't change the situation then there is no point in worrying about it".  My Mom would just say "it's gonna be alright and it will get better next year".  While both had good points.....I am still worrying.  This sucks.  CANCER sucks big time!!! Not only does it suck....it FUCKING SUCKS!!!

Rolling with the punches.

Life has given me some shitty hand outs this year.  I'm not liking it.  But....I'm trying my best to suck it all up, lift my chin up and keep on trucking.  I am trying to be strong and brave.  I am trying to think of it like the ocean and when your swimming and you get that first big wave that knocks you on your ass.... you come up and don't know where the hell you are...you got water up your nose...it feels terrible.  Then the ocean calms down...now you like it...yeah, this feels nice.  You turn your back and another wave is coming to knock you down......  Yeah...I'm caught in the wave and right now it's not feeling so good.  I'm trying to roll with it....  I do realize that life is short and if you spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself you will spend your whole life time that way.  I am trying NOT to do that.  But when things get rough...it's hard not to keep thinking about it.  Being strong is not easy.  I don't know how my Mom did it.  Yet.....no matter the circumstances and how bad it really was...she always told us it would be alright.  Yeah......I need to hear that.  <3

Bah.....school is coming!!! :-(

I feel it coming and I am dreading it.  For those of you who have kids....you know what I am talking about!  School will be back very soon!  I am probably one of the few parents who dreads it.  Back to strict schedules...back to icky routines and back to NO more carefree summer nights.  I, myself, dislike it......I dislike it very much!

My biggest dread of all and probably the reason I dislike it so much is the forms that need filling out for school.  I usually end up writing so much that my hand is cramped up into a little ball by time I am done.  OK, OK...that may be an exaggeration but at least that's what it feels like.  I'm coming up with a plan though......a sneaky plan.  I'm always a little envious that my hubby never does the forms and I am always doing them.  So from now on...when they ask for a phone number...they are getting his.  Muhuahahahahahahahah!  Although when I think about it....we don't really ever get that many calls from the school (which is good thing)....but in the event we do....they are calling him!  OK, OK so my plan is not as great as I think it is......but....as I write those forms out....it at least makes me feel better and smile and giggle a little as I write his cell number.   Maybe just that thought alone will help me get through the endless paperwork school nightmare this September.

Breaking...

I've been out of the blogging world so to speak for a while now.  I haven't been writing or reading any at all.  I just needed a sabbatical from it for a while and now I feel as though I am ready to return.  Slowly...because it is summer and everything is done more slowly in summer...plus summer is my favorite time of year and I have made a vow that I will spend most of it this year down the shore.

In June my oldest son returned from Europe...can't tell you how happy that has made me.  My youngest son got his license.  I am watching my boys grow into adulthood and while it may be trying at times....I do enjoy them.  Next weekend we all leave for a family wedding in West Virginia...I am looking forward to the road trip together....as I am sure we will have many laughs....mostly they laugh and pick on me!  But that's OK.

If I have said it once I will say it again.....I love my family and I love summer.  If I never told anyone this before...I hate Mondays!  LOL.  That's all for now.  

Parent's Worst Nightmares....

Two weeks ago on Mother's Day night I attended the viewing of my brother-in-law's brother....it was difficult as in my mind the deceased was not that old (64) and my heart broke for his parents who were there.  My heart ached for them thinking that no parent should ever ever have to bury their child no matter the age.

Last week our town sat on their edge of their seats all week as an ongoing search was happening for a missing teen in our town.  Unfortunately the search ended very tragically and although I did not know these people well....I recognized them from around town and as any parent would feel....my heart ached.  I saw the man in Wawa the day after his daughter was found (drowned in a pond) and people were coming up to him and giving him condolences.  I felt terrible.  I wanted to say something but could not bring myself to be able to even find the words.

When I think about these past couple of weeks and I try to put myself in the place of both of those parents...I cannot imagine what they must be feeling.  No words must give comfort.....nothing must look, feel or be the same again after.  Your life must be left with a major void that will never again be able to be filled.  My heart aches for them both and my thoughts and prayers are with these parents.

So, while our teens, small children or grown adult kids may drive us crazy from time-to-time and while they may want to debate us until we cry uncle, and while our kids are getting ready for college, branching out and driving, or just beginning their life and having grandkids.....it's time we each give them just that one extra hug, kiss and I love you.  For we all need to stop and be thankful for every precious moment that is given to us......as every moment should be thought of as a gift.
  

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day....this is a day to reflect.  Reflect on the joys of happy moments with your own children as well as the happy moments with your own Mom.  I have lots to be thankful for.  I had a great Mom who was a lot of fun and I was lucky to have her until she was almost 89 and that she had all her faculties up until her death.  I have big shoes to follow in!  I also feel very lucky as a Mom myself.  My oldest son is over seas and he is having the experience of a life time.  While I wish I could be there with him, I can be happy as a clam for him to have such a great experience.  I am not one of those Moms who just because my kids are experiencing something I have to experience it too...I can be totally happy and excited for them and I love hearing their stories.  I am also very happy for my youngest son as he is doing real well with his track team and twice now he has come in first place.  The meets have been lots of fun and I get a lot of joy out of watching him.  Today I will miss a few things....my Mom and the fact that my oldest son is not home but I will enjoy my youngest son and I will be happy thinking about many many good times past, present and yet to come with my own kids.  Looking ahead, thinking positive and loving life.